The Diary of My Future [Prologue]

For this very day, and the mind that makes me very grey.. with the wisdom light of mine .. in the sight of the mediocre mind . . . this will start, the diary of my future, that happened to be my focus on jotting something in my blog that already been abandoned for months..and I really hope this thing is going to be My Scripture.

It started when I was 10. It was my hobby to write and draw. As I went on my drawing, I started thinking of taking the Artist profession as my ambition in the future, the same thought also made me to take Architecture as they both are involving the ARTs, drawing and the most important is talent. I kept talking to myself, that someday I will be like Da Vinci, or any professional architect. I kept training and practicing my hand, my artistic-brain to be developed, my emotion to be well taken care of.

I learnt the feelings of the weak when I was in primary school. I was .. (some kind of embarassing things) bullied and my friends made me cry. I once cried in class, after my friends hit me together for the reason of nothing, and I cried, not wailing, but just the tears streamed down on my cheek. I was seen by some of my classmates, including girls. I was embarassed, and I felt disgrace. At home I prayed, for Allah to punish my friends, for their doings on me. But after all, I never told my parents about this thing, because I didn't think it is the solution. And the most important is.. I am not a coward, that thing kept reminding me in my mind. And with that, I just went on my life at the primary school, as a common student, but was elected to be a Prefect. And the main reason of accepting the title is.. to join the Prefect Annual Camping. ( kind of funny , I think ). At my age of 12, I think I knew, how the weak feel and what they think, in their mind. For me, the weak is not by the physically-weak structured body, but it's in the mind and emotion who cannot afford to control them, altogether with the situation and needed act. And usually the weak will make silence if they involve in the crucial situation. As if they know what will happen and they know what is best to react. The silence also can make the 'strong' feel embarassed as they will soon notice that the weak don't react in anger that will make them happy and continue doing wrong things to the weak. And I think Confucius was right when he said "Silence is the best friend. It never betrays ". (I hope it does make sense :P)

I ended up my primary school life in 1999 with my 4A's UPSR and 9A's UPSRI. All of my friends went their own path, one that they already planned the second one is their parents chose for them. And I was in the second group. My life at home was blurry an filled with reading comics and drawing things of anything. Everything went so fast. I felt like my mouth is not yet well-prepared for the condition of my Middle School life. . . My parents wanted me to recite the Holy Quran, in my next-after-primary school. I just obeyed my parents as I thought it was not bad to recite the Holy Quran as it will ease my after tomorrow life. The enigma in my mind began changing as the life was getting combined to the path of hereafter..

As I thought what my future will be, my life is no blurry. But the blurred features always prevent me from reaching my main point of living-as-a-student reason, so that I think I didn't make my after-that life have no regrets.

The moment I realised the fact that life is the most valuable thing given from Allah, I started thinking of jotting the "some kind of diarying" that happened to remind my mistakes, as I want to live my life with no regrets that will affect my 'hopefully'-superb future.